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Are All Your Relationships Co-Dependent? Help Yourself First Just Before You Help Other People
One of the greatest benefits of having close friendships is the fact that our friends can support and help us when things get difficult in our lives.
In exchange for the support our good friends give us during a crisis, most of us also help our close friends when they need it.
Within a relationship between two emotionally healthy people, the roles of giving and receiving help are balanced. Both individuals provide help and receive help from one another in approximately equal amounts.
However, you'll find many people who often take on the role of being the helper, no matter what relationship they're in.
These individuals have friendships that concentrate exclusively on trying to resolve the problems of their buddies. We occasionally call this quality "co-dependency", and we might label individuals who are obsessed with helping other individuals "co-dependent".
A person who's co-dependent will tend to have relationships with those who have a lot of problems - emotional, social, familial and monetary. The co-dependent individual might spend a lot of their own time, funds, and energy helping other people who have issues, while ignoring the problems in their own life.
Why would someone be co-dependent?
An individual who is co-dependent normally suffers from a deep sense of worthlessness and anxiety, and tries to derive a sense of self-worth by assisting or rescuing others.
An individual who is co-dependent may not know how to loosen up and feel comfy in a friendship where both people are equals and the romantic relationship is based on enjoying each other's company.
Listed here are some questions you can ask yourself to determine whether your "helping" behavior may actually be co-dependency:
- Do you have a tough time saying no to other people, even if you are very busy, financially broke, or entirely exhausted?
- Are you always sacrificing your own personal needs for everybody else?
- Do you feel more worthy as a human being simply because you have taken on a helping role?
- When you stopped helping your buddies, would you really feel guilty or worthless?
If you answered "yes" to lots of these questions, you might indeed have a problem with co-dependency.
This does not mean that you simply are a flawed individual.
It means that you are spending a great deal of energy on other people and very little on yourself.
When you suspect that your helping behavior is a type of co-dependency, a great therapist or counselor will help you get perspective on your behavior and learn a more balanced way of relating to others.
There are plenty of excellent books out there on the subject of co-dependency. One good book is neil strauss the game on the game strauss website. Many guys get girls by using this book. Support groups like Al-Anon may also help.
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"One can not learn when one thinks he already knows", Epictetus
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